Monday, July 30, 2012

To be young...

They say that we all have inside of us an inner child. Well I recently had a meet up with my inner child. Actually, over the last couple of days he's decided to manifest himself in my action and deed. Well its not exactly a problem. Infact, its all fun and games for a third year student of law to scale trees looking for wild fruits (actually ni mapera, I just say wild fruits to sound bad ass). To use the lid of a bucket as leisurous past time by strolling it around with a hanger wire. (I think this why I'm single. I don't think ladies find this attractive) For twenty year olds to play marbles like children and get 'down and dirty' while doing it.
Infact my neighbours have come up with a 'Things To Steal For No Reason At All Just Because We Are Bored And We Can Do It' list. Now I thought I had no purpose in life until I saw this list. Here's an excerpt...
1. A shopping trolley from Nakumatt ✔
2. A menu from java ✔
3. Those scissors they use to cut chicken at KFC 
4. A 'Fire Exit' sign from school (which I recently realized was glow in the dark) ✔
5. A metal decector. You know, the kind they use everywhere these days to check for bombs in ladies' purses and men's pockets which I personally think is a rubbish idea but hey...
6. A 'Kindly Do Not Sit On The Patient's Bed' sign from Karen Hospital. ✔
7. Cutlery from any commercial coffee house ✔
Yes. Dimwits I know. Just so you know, the items with ticks aganist them have already been acquired. We have the goods. I repeat. We have the goods.
I will however chose to exempt myself from this lastest track of robberies for obvious reasons. I've never been to eithe KFC or Java (don't look at me like that! I'm waiting! I want my first time to be perfect) and I'd really hate it if my first time is my last. My reasons are understandable. In as much as I want to be famous and shit (I say '...and shit in the middle of sentences to make them seem cool and shit) I dint think post juvinile delinquency is the way to go. I can see mugshots of my face posted on the doors of all branches of Java and KFC all around the world with a bolded 'MOST WANTED' sign below... No. Bad publicity. Plus I've been saving myself. (That paragraph right there is a dedication to all you perverts. Dont come to my blog anymore. Lol. I'm frigging hilarious. *slaps Eric Omondi. )
So a member of this renegade group owns a slingshot. You truly dunno the power that a slingshot possesses until you hold one. At that very moment I felt like Thor with his hammer or like I was lifting the sword of Excalibar. This must have been how David Killed Goliath with just a stone. Shit is real people! Like in movies how the past flashes before a charachter when he's about to die... Bingo. The birds I killed, the windows I broke, the eyes I almost popped out of people's heads, the spankings that followed after a bloddy snitch ratted me out to my folks... (I still think snitches will die an ugly death).
And on that note I think us guys had a lovely childhood. The 90's actually rocked. With the obvious exception of the stupid clothes we had to put on (I think I'll photoshop my kid pictures; throw in a pair of timbs, Gucci belt, and probably a shamballa just to give it a lil spice) we actually had fun. Too bad for kids these days though. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Call of Duty as muchas the next low life but you need to know how it feels to take a real hit. I'm just saying... *applause*.
Back to track. Yeah. So I haven't killed anything... YET! Its kinda hard to do anything when there's nothing to kill. Plus the owner took back his slingshot so no more sling for Georgie. :-(
So imagine my excitement when I'm walking the streets of NY (Nairobi Yetu) and I come along this woman selling slingshots for 100 bob. Tell me this is not a message from the universe!
Anyhow, In unrelated news, I am the proud owner of a slingshot. It doesn't look anything like the one above though. Why would anyone even get something like that?! Elephant hunting perhaps?! Smh.
I shall name my slingshot Cassilis the Soviet Assassin. Lol. I crack myself up. Whats that?! No?! Cassilis... Soviet Assassin? You dont get it?! Shish! Well you're a tough crowd! Yall need to watch movies. The Double would be a good start. Losers.

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