Friday, April 19, 2013

How I knew I wanted to do law.

High school for me was momentous. The entire four years. I'd tell you that my up moments were more than my downs, but I'd be lying. It was pretty much evened out. I went to Thika  High School which for the not so intellectually gifted ones, is in Thika. Note: this is not to be confused with Thika High School for the blind, my poor eyesight notwithstanding.
I wasn't always destined to travel 40 kilometres away from home to get a decent high school education. I'd been called to go to Highway High School initially ('Highie' I once heard people call it) but Mama Blodwyn was having none of that. No way was her baby going to a day school in the thriving heart of Nairobi. So somehow, I ended up in Thika.
I remember on my first day, after my folks had left, I stood outside the library and looked around and whispered to myself, "Prepare for the next four years of your life in this pineapple infested place." - strange enough, never did I so much as taste a pineapple in all my four years in Thika. Shortchanged I was.
Four years cruised by very fast. What's that they say about having fun and time flying? Yeah. I met some really great people who were equally matched by assholes. Most of my experiences in school were memorable, suspensions, punishments, funkies, grinding girls asses at those funkies, letters, the works. A blended myriad of memories. But my most iconic reminiscence was in my final year.
Throughout school, I was somewhat of a victim of circumstance. All the times I was suspended (yeah they were a couple), I either didn't do what I was accused of or, was the one caught when everyone else was handed a slap on the wrist. This story is no exception.
Around the time when I was in my third year in high school, the school invested in and built a computer lab. It wasn't anything too fancy, just a room with a couple of computers, a printer and a scanner. Later on that year, strings were pulled and we managed to get an internet connection, which was a commendable feat considering that was 5 years ago. Now the comp lab was out of bounds for anyone who didn't study computers as a subject. (Yours truly studied metal work :)) High school however is like prison. If you know people, you get places. So at night, over prep time, the comp students let a few peoples into the lab. Soon the trend caught on and admin decided to let other people use the lab after class over games time in attempt to stop the delinquency. Facebook had really caught on then so admin had blocked it. Twitter? There was no Twitter. It hadn't even been laid yet.
Now at night when the obscure rendezvous to the comp lab were held, the place was a room filled with horny teenagers feasting on porn.  All the twenty something computers were logged in to several porn sites with the volume at 1%. It was so bad, I remember one time this guy had sites written on a book. Lets just say the stars in the sky don't have anything on the number of porn sites on the internet. SMH. Americans. Of course no one ever found out unless they were part of the inside scoop. But like most things, secrets can't always be kept hidden, and so at some point admin found out and assigned a teacher in the lab to 'supervise the content students were consuming' and gave a prosecutors will be shot on sight decree.
This one time, I went to the lab after class with a friend of mine -seeing that I have never been the sporty type. At the door was a T'A that was guiding some form ones on computers or something. Enter Blodwyn and friend. We went to some computer at the front of the room. It was on sleep I recall so we turned it on. Homer Simpson was involved in a 'compromising' position with Lisa Simpson. That's the photo that had been set as the desktop background. I have never forgotten that photo. Like clockwork, like he was on cue, immediately I turned on le computer, the T'A that was behind us looked up and saw what was on the screen. I was caughted.
Even before I could change the wallpaper, he came to where we were, looked at the computer in visible disgust.
'What is this you are watching?'
'Watching? I'm not watching anything. I just turned the computer on.'
'Why are you watching cartoons that are doing pornography?'
'I'm not watching cartoons doing... (what?) I'm not watching pornography. This was preset by the time I got here.'
I didn't see it wise to highlight that the cartoons doing pornography were consanguineally related. He already seemed grossed out by the idea of cartoons having sex. How did he think cartoons reproduce? Twat!
'This is unacceptable. Go to the principal's office immediately and explain yourself.'
'But sir... I haven't done anything wrong.'
His ears were practically steaming by now and I knew better than to try the patience of a mid-aged man. So I left for the principal's office to 'explain myself'... I knew for certain I was fried.

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