Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Break____up </3

I wouldn't exactly consider myself an expert but I believe I have had my fair share of experience as far as break ups go. Haven't we all. Nasty experiences they are. Very nasty. Especially if your ex is one of those uncooperative ones.

I dunno the smart ass that chose to refer to a previous 'lover' with just a letter: 'X'. Probably it was  meant to mean excommunicate or even exhume a previous 'love'. I quote the word love because an ex isn't always  going to be someone you loved. Maybe a result of massively misplaced infatuation or lust. But then would I know right?!

I do not want to dwell into the details of how or why peeps break up. Sometimes it's just a bad joke that goes too far; or coz of a bad rumour that spreads all over the place like an STI in campus. The actualization of a break thats something. When you actually have to break up with the other person. Most peeps will just go with it and live out the rest of their lives in peace. These are the crazy kind. You are not supposed to be 'cool' after a break up. Its taboo and immoral. Unless ofcourse you never actually were in a relationship to begin with.

Okay. As I was saying; the breaking of the news. It takes guts to break up with someone. No lie. Sometimes you want to do it but you just cant get it out your mouth *thats why some of us need tequilla shots* and you end up deviating from the topic entirely.

However when you finally do grow a pair, there are some uncooperative ones who will need a reason; an explanation as to 'why you are doing this to me'. And this is where it gets interesting ladies and gents. Out comes the corniness. The most clichè of lines; its not you, its me; I need to concentrate on my studies/job/religion/AOB; I'm not ready to do this right now; Yo a great person but *enter stupid clichè excuse*. The thing I have learnt over the years however is that more often than not,  these lines are some sort of vague reflection of the truth. When a person says that its them that has a problem and not you...maybe....just maybe he is telling the truth.  But moving along...

Below are some 10 *and possibly more* easy to learn steps that come with break ups. I'd have titled this post as The Post Break up Syndrome but after all I've just said, I thot Post is a little too far off. It however should be noted that this is a guy's perspective. Okay okay onto #

1).  Acceptance. Haha! Lol! JK! As if!

So you just broke up. If it was an argument you will feel like a load's been lifted off and yo practically flying. Kinda like taking  long drag of helium. Weightless. Freedom! At last. You want to hit on everything in a skirt *excluding immediate female family members- which does not include second cousins; You can bang her*. You wanna test the waters and see how the game has changed since the last time you were single.  Hitting on random women left right centre, taking a shot with all those women who 'wanted' you when you were hooked up. Wooohooo! But along comes #

2) Prodigal Son phase A.

Reality is a bitch (and probably hangs in your ex'es clique). The fun is shortlived. Loneliness sets in. You remember the things she used to do. How she used to laugh. Then you begin to compare her with other mamas until you realize that there isn't another one like her. If there are many fish in the sea she probably is the white rhino of the fishes. Maybe breaking up wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe I should apologize. I have been  prick to her. Some breakups are ammended at this point. Apologies are made. Treaties are created and a status quo is established. However for those with inflated Egos, thus my darlings is just the begining sp* *Villan laugh and multiple striking of lightning in the background*

3) My ex?! What ex?!

At this point you realize that the chances that the both of you will get back together are slimer than the possibility that stones won't be thrown in a Gor vs AFC derby *its actually sad*. Forget them. I dont need her! And sometimes it actually works. It has been said that if you convice yourself tht something it true, it may actually turn out as so; well atleast to you. So for a while you forget them. Your life ceases to revolve around them and for sometime i.e. 2-4 weeks, you get a hold of your life again until Bam! #

4) Smack in the face.

You are minding your own business,tweeting, checking your facebook, blogging or whatever until you see them there right infront of your face. At this point, a small part of you dies. Nostalgia sets in and has no immediate intention of leaving. So you could either

5) a) Block! Delete! Backspace! Esc! Ctrl+F4!

Lol. The ex factor comes in and you excommunicate them. A move that I personally find to be stupid. Its not like they cease to exist just because you blocked them. Its irrational. Or,

b) Stalk! Stalk! Stalk!

So what has the bitch been upto these last couple of weeks?! You want to know everything she has posted, blogged or twaat *pause* (I crack myself up! You get it it?! Tweet?! Twaat?! No?! Party pooper) *unpause* since you broke up. So whats the bitch been saying about me?! Then along comes #

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