Sunday, March 11, 2012

Five more minutes. Just five. Cont.

Taking off from where I left last time. Now where was I? Oh
6) Reverse Withdrawal Symptoms After lunch I get to the office and hand everyone their food (Kinda like Santa Claus but I don't do it in the dark nor get paid in 'milk and cookies'). Now I think I have a problem. My stomach seems to imitate the mannerisms of an 'almost' black hole or an 'almost' bottomless pit. I say almost because I will fill it up till I can take in no more food and that will be the end of lunch. Right?! Wrong!! That's just Phase one. The different phases of my eating process shall be discussed at a later scheduled date to be advised. See its like cards. My belly will play a card and if I fail to call its bluff, it wins and I have to restock it. I kid you not. This stomach can hold a truckload of food given the chance. So I dish out food in the office and wait in vulturelike expectation to scavange for anything they leave me. Don't judge me. Its my guilty pleasure. 7) Back to Square One. Now I am faced with the most impossible feat that only few have managed to ever successfully accomplish. Sleeping and not getting caught. In High School it was easy: go to the back of the class, position thyself stategically away from le teacher's glare and presto! Happy sleeping. Or like this one friend I had who would open his desk and sleep inside it with the top on his head. Good times. *dubs tear from corner of right eye* Btw I always wondered: what do you call the top of a desk? A door? A lid? A cover? A wooden piece of...uuuhhh...wood used to cover a desk? Don't try Googling it. I think its the only thing Lord Google doesn't know. Oh. So now I have to struggle with half open-eyelids in a failed attempt to keep awake. 8)Come again? Pardon? I didn't quite catch what you said there. Now if you can run me by that last part it'd be great. Soon the hypersomnolence passes and now I have to deal with people who have no other purpose in life other than to pester me: clients. I probably didn't mention this earlier but I work in Kiambu, and although I am Kikuyu to the marrow, I am always at a loss when it comes to speech. This basically isn't a big deal up until everyone who comes in the door converses in the local dialect. Yes there I can understand what they're saying perfectly, but its dialogue meaning I have to respond to them. Darn you Communication Skills lecturer with your notes on feedback! Now I am quite narcist, believing most of the things I do to be the best. But my Kikuyu...Heavens!Pathetic does not nearly compare to the adjective I'd use to describe it. Even I know. And believe me, I have tried. My uncle once bought me and my sister Books in Kikuyu Literature. Like your 'Read and Write' or 'Hallo Children' book...In Kikuyu. #Majorfail. To make Matters worse, 'Good Guy' is Kamba but speaks fluent Kikuyu. So what I do...I refer everyone to him. Doesn't matter if you want directions to the loo. If you no understand my Swahili or Githugu, I shall point you to the direction of help. 9) Infringement of the Ninth Commandment. Now its almost closing time (Home time) and before we close shop we have to do an audit of sorts. We calculate all the money that we got that day, all that we used and check if the amount of cash we have is in consonance with the figures we tabulate. Now a law firm is a business; and just like any other business, there are good days and bad days- at least that's what I want to believe. So I find it stupid and totally childlike for The Boss to insult us by calling us theives of his Money when we have a bad day. The most I've gone as far as 'stealing' goes is accept cash from a satisfied customer (that could understand English) for a job well done. At first it was deragatory. But I figured, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones / But words will never hurt me'. It bacame routine. Everytime we have a bad day the three of us play rock paper scissors and the loser gets the esteemed honour of telling The Boss how much we have that day. Its the most efficient method seeing that I always win. Rock always wins. At least that's what I made them believe. *villan laugh with a tremendous clap of thunder in the background*. 10) The End...or is it?! Tum Tum Tum Tum!!! Enter 5 pm, Exit the intern. I am not so much into routine so after jobo I'm up for anything and everything as long as it's morally upright and Christian #Pokerface. Then begins the long and fulfilling night. Cool some steam before the reality checks in that i have to do all this again the next day.

No comments:

Post a Comment